My brother passed away on April 21, 2010, at 1:42 a.m. I didn't ride my bike yesterday and I feel like I failed my goal of training for the race. What would he think--I am a failure. I couldn't even get on my bike for 5 minutes.
When we were growing up we had a bmx/skateboard ramp. Dougie talked me into going off the ramp (onto cement) with my bmx bike. I rode in with some speed and ended up flying over the handle bars. He could ride the ramp with his skateboard and his bike.
God, I love him. I will never again hear him tell me, "Kristen, if I can do it you can do it too!"
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No - he would not consider you a failure - he would simply know that you loved him so and had some struggles coming to terms and he would love you. I can't even imagine how I would feel to lose my bros. You will hear him again - you'll hear him every time you get on the bike, egging you on to take the dare. Be safe, but honor him and listen. :) Take care - thinking of you! Good luck with training!
ReplyDeleteI don't know what happened to him, but loss is the worst thing. The only way to deal with it constructively, is to do something, and do a physical something. I tend to wallow in depression, which is not a good thing. Yet, for a while grief is being not able to do things you used to do easily. But, eventually, slowly to do something you love and challenges you is one of the best ways to deal with grief. So, get back on the bike even for a few minutes each day for the next week, and build from there.
ReplyDeleteIf you are doing a some type of bike ride race, you might have a choice of two things...1: drop out of it for this one time. Perhaps it is the wrong time to do it...2: if you really want to do this race then get you butt back on the bike and use this as a great way get your mind and body out of your gunk. It will do that.
Do what you can, and what you feel you can do.
Life has many directions, you must choose which one you feel is best for you.
good luck.......